Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
