actually, I'm a sock model
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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