I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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