I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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