I must be too annoying 4 u.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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