do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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