He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
