Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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