Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
