how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
where are my eyebrows?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
