Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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