My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i wish my penis had a tongue
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
