If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
