my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
