Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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