YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
