Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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