Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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