You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
