i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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