Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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