is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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