Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
