I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Send help, water and tortillas.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
