You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
