I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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