if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
