Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
