i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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