My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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