Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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