You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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