You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
