On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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