I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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