I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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