im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
