He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
