I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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