The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
