she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
