He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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