His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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