I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
