Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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