Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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