You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
