I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
