the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
