You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
