Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
