The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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